The Wholeness of Who You Really Are

As many of us find ourselves doing in this digital age, my husband was scrolling through social media and paused on a clip of someone putting a hot loaf of bread on a cutting board, which caused the board to melt. Then, that led to another clip of a woman trying to put air in her tire, but she was using a fire extinguisher. We joked and laughed about it saying, “Looks like it’s probably too late for humanity to redeem itself.”

However, in that moment I received intense clarity about how much programming we are under. The attitude and the belief that humans are stupid, or irredeemable, and that we peaked long ago is a perspective that is carefully and deliberately fostered in us by a group of strategically placed individuals who seek to control and guide how humanity and our story evolves. Their involvement is not for our sake, it’s that we just happen to be here for them and are a useful tool in guiding how their story unfolds. 

From innumerable levels and at the very start of our lives, we are subjected to trauma and programming that fills us with a sense of self-loathing, hopelessness, and scorn towards each other so that we are therefore participants in our collective demise because we believe we are not worth saving. Going down this road of programmed, low frequency, we look at how we are ruining the Earth, causing the extinction of other plant and animal species, how we are ungrateful and forever warring, and the list goes on. How could this not be traumatizing? Trauma is anything that leaves a lasting impression which results in the fragmentation of the wholeness of who we are. 

As a midwife, I worked with many newborns, and I can attest that I have never met a stupid or worthless baby. Even saying that sounds preposterous. They are all so exquisitely beautiful and breathtaking, even the ones who come into the world not quite ‘whole,’ or ‘perfect,’ and have genetic abnormalities. Looking into their eyes is like staring into deep pools of eternity. We receive messaging from the start that fragments us from the wholeness and the knowing of ourselves as being beautiful, worthy, and miraculous. 

These low frequency projections cause us to separate from ourselves and delegate the fragments to our shadows. Shadows are aspects of us that our conscious mind has not yet accepted, integrated, and fully confronted. We are operating in a way that we think we are our own totality and our own wholeness. There are aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected because of an experience of being bullied, or watching someone else be bullied, or hearing parents and society declare what is acceptable and what isn’t. There are numerous ways, due to self-preservation and the incredible tenderness of our hearts that we protect ourselves by building scar tissue or a scab around parts of us that we’ve come to believe put us at risk of rejection, ridicule, or the death of whatever outcome the mind believes. We shove it off to the dungeons of the deepest layers of our subconscious to live out rejection stories through the entirety of our lives. And we’ve been doing this for generations. 

Having judgement, scorn, and ridicule for one another only perpetuates the cycle and is an exercise in total futility because we are all experiencing these aspects in our shadows. The sarcastic scorn that my husband and I participated in is simply a defense mechanism that comes from our own damaging trauma-based wounding and programming that tells us that maybe we are also one of the lost causes. I share this anecdote from my own life simply to point out and illustrate what we are up against. In so many ways, the greatest obstacle is not the controllers who designed this program for us, it is ourselves and our own shadows as we interact from that place of trauma, wounding, and self-rejection. 


This is not a message of pessimism.  

At the beginning of August, I felt a big shift in the energy—waves of sadness, pain and trauma coming to the surface to be purged. It was during the 8/8 Lion’s Gate Portal, which to be quite honest, was on my radar, but I wasn’t paying that close attention to it, but then I felt a distinct shift in the energy.  A Priestess sister in one of my programs, Kara Gilsenan, described the portal as a vortex pulling out the shadows, which really resonated with me. For the entire month of August, I felt so fragile, psychically open, and empathic that it was excruciating. Once we hit September, it had integrated enough that I started to receive messages with clarity. The messages that are coming through are beautiful and hopeful and are of a high soul-eye-view. 

One of the most important messages that came through is that the narratives are all a distraction, and that something bigger was coming, bigger than the programmed wave of death energy that we are supposed to encounter in the winter months. Bigger than the global pandemic narrative and the experimental injection narratives. Bigger than all the narratives. When I went into the Akashic Records, I was shown that we are going through a cycle on a large scale that may have something to do with the polarity and tilt of the Earth and the Equinoxes. We’ve been through a period of darkness, and the cycle is coming back around to a cycle of light. 

This is not meant to be a New Age description as we all know that the experience of awakening and 5D Ascension has not been all love and light. The message I received is that there’s a massive amount of high frequency light coming in at greater and greater concentrations. It feels like it’s coming from the sun—the quality of the sunlight is different—but it also feels like it’s coming from all luminary bodies in the universe because all of creation connects to this stream of energetic electricity. I define creation as the elegant organization of consciousness into physical and non-physical. What I was being shown was an image of everything connected like on a strand of Christmas lights attached to a dimmer switch and the dimmer switch is being raised. 

This is part of a natural cycle that humans have been through before in this realm in which we call Earth. There are memories of it, but they have been confiscated deliberately so that we wouldn’t know. If we are all characters in a great dreaming mind, that dreaming mind is a character in another dreaming mind, and so on. Right now, all the minds are waking up together and all the dreams are ending, and we are coming back into full wakefulness. This is so much bigger than humans, yet we are an integral part of it. A byproduct of this experience is that it will completely change life on Earth. It’s more than the crumbling of old structures, of systems and of the ways we have done things which is why I liken it to a pole shift. That’s the only description that I can find that illustrates the magnitude of how this process is going to change everything. 

As we wake up within the dream, our shadow must wake up too. The dream becomes a nightmare in a lot of ways because everything must be played out as we go through this process of ascending in our consciousness. Ascending can sound hierarchical, but the way I’m seeing it is that the light of knowing and truth is infiltrating all layers of consciousness. As it does this, it illuminates the shadow and the things that have been lurking in the dark. Yet, shadows don’t just disappear because we have been in relationship with them on one level or another and must interface with them and figure out how to accept and not continue to reject the parts of ourselves that have been lurking in the darkness. We must decide where it’s going to fit in the concept of life and who we are. Then we have to receive the gift that is available through the experience in order to integrate it, transmute, and dispel the charge of fear, victimization and suffering that has built up around the things that have been lurking in the dark and return it to neutrality. 

Then, the ascension in that sense is complete. We will have completely taken everything and metabolized it and expanded and up leveled. Echoing Abraham Hicks, the whole purpose of this existence is for the joy of the expansion and even the cycle that I’m seeing is a part of this. The oneness and totality has to simulate a process of going to sleep and a period of darkness so that aspects of itself can forget that it’s the oneness and interact with itself, experience contrast and experiences that spark new understandings of self and new ways of being. The expansion process is completed as we rise back out of the dream and collectively awaken. Not just humans, but consciousness at all levels and then we say, “Holy shit. It was just a dream. It was only ever a dream.” 

Whenever I say this, I become aware that it could come across as dismissive of the true experience of suffering that people have. I don’t mean to be dismissive at all. While we are dreaming it feels real. Recently, I had a dream of being in a car wreck with my parents and my children and we all died. Everything felt so real and detailed and nothing about it was dream-like. I woke up in a visceral state of panic. Even though I awakened in this reality, on another level I woke up having experienced the event in my dream and had the emotional residue. That’s what’s happening with us here. I’m not discounting anyone’s suffering or saying this is all imaginary. It is an experience we are all having, but it’s not the totality of the truth, not even the totality that is accessible to us in our human conscious minds. 

This something “bigger” that is coming is the shadows coming to the surface of the dream, but it is also ascension sickness and symptoms as we come more and more online. Also, whether we are conscious of it or not, it is happening to everyone, even the people in your life that are completely asleep. They are coming online, but it’s at a different pace and rate than what you are experiencing. It’s because this light is coming in—the purity of undiluted consciousness— and as it comes in, it is also creating an experience highlighting everything in our physical density that is also in shadow: disease, toxic loads, build-up of emotions and everything that is not a frequency match to this level of consciousness that is streaming into all of us whether we are participating actively or not. Everything that is not a match to this high concentration of light that is streaming in at us, into us and through us, all around us is causing a lot of ascension symptoms. (As a side note, I highly encourage you to check out Chrystopher, The Astro Medium’s Instagram page for updated information about current ascension symptoms.)

The ascension is inevitable because it’s bigger than us and bigger than the beings seeking to control it and suppress it. As I was shown, it is the outcome of every potential timeline. Timelines are crumbling away because we are all converging at this point of full ascension. And yet, there are things we get to know as we wake up. One of those things is the narrative of the pandemic. What was revealed to me is that the virus narrative is a cover up for the ascension symptoms and ascension sickness that is inevitably happening because we are in a cycle that is greater than any being in this realm, including those perceived to be in control. They have known this was coming because it is a natural cycle. 

Through their own means of maintaining a continuity of their memories that have been deliberately denied us, they have been able to track time accurately. The time that we have been presented with is completely skewed and warped in an effort to direct the energies in their favor, using time as an opportunity to leverage the energies that allows them to maintain their self-appointed dominion over the planet. They have seeded our collective consciousness for a long time. You can see this reflected in the movies about zombies, pandemics, and global catastrophes. 

Using these tools at their disposal, they have planted this narrative of the virus to deliberately mask what is inevitable—the awakening of consciousness to the 5D. In no way am I saying that this is all in people’s minds, or that people who have been sick with the virus that it’s all in their imagination, or that none of this is real. To the complete contrary, this is very real, but our perception of it is totally wrong. 

An analogy for this is that if a woman was in childbirth and going through a very intense experience wherein, she was safe because she is physiologically created to harmonize with the process, but she had no idea what childbirth was, or what babies were, and was completely ignorant to all of it. As she has these painful experiences of contractions and feels like something wrong is happening to her body, she is then told by those who have positioned themselves as ‘experts,’ that she may die, or is dying. Her experience of that labor and birth would be fraught with terror and more pain and intensity then if she understood that it was childbirth, but also beautiful in its process as it brings all your shadows to the surface. If she was well supported and reassured that everything was OK, she would be able to harmonize with that experience and feel connected to the truth of her absolute power of divinity and wholeness. Whether she is understood it was childbirth or not, either way she is still experiencing the process. 

With this analogy, you can begin to see how as a collective, we have been taught to fear and doubt. We were never given reassurance and shown how to navigate this very natural cycle and to come out on the other side in even deeper awareness of our incredible power and worth. We are being convinced that we are all going to die. Now certainly, some people are dying because we have mortal bodies. As many of you know, I lost my own infant son five years ago, so I am not saying any of this from a place of naïve idealism. I’m saying this in the complete acknowledgement that death is a very real experience and leaves us with a lot of grief and a sense of awareness of the mystery and void. None of us gets to cheat death. For some people, the work of aligning and harmonizing with this ascension of consciousness is that it is more easily done without their mortal body and the ego identity that goes with the body. No part of me is saying that they deserve it or that they haven’t done the spiritual work. It is a unique soul decision as to which direction they want to go during this whole process. 

The invitation is to really understand that we are going through something that is like a childbirth passage. We are birthing into something new. It feels like we are birthing into a new age. If I were to guess and to draw a linear analogy to mammalian, human childbirth, we are probably around 7 centimeters. It is going to keep getting more intense as we go on. We must learn to harmonize ourselves with it. What I mean when I say harmonize with it is to lovingly acknowledge our shadows as they come to the surface. They will probably be reflected to us by other people or circumstances that feel chaotic and frustrating, maddening and triggering. We must accept this process and that things are never going to go back to the way they once were. 

This is bigger than the narrative of us vs. the ruling class, or whomever we think is in power. They are also part of the great dreaming mind, and we could not have experienced all the expansion without players who took on the role of oppressors, controllers, and programmers. This does not mean I condone what they do, and yet as you bump up against the specific narratives that cause you to be triggered and feel disempowered, the goal is to meet that scenario and blend your energy with it so that you are no longer bumping up against it because you are not feeding your power to it anymore. 

Further imagery from the Records that was given to me on how to do this involves knowing that everything you encounter is a projection of you. I would never say that the people around us don’t exist and they are all projections of ourselves. Say I’m arguing with someone in my life—the argument is the projection of my own self. It’s the projection of the part of me where I feel disempowered and I’m projecting that disempowerment on to someone else or on to a circumstance or a scenario that I’m experiencing. 

The imagery that I was shown was of a binary star. The thing outside of you that you are in a triggering dynamic with is the other star near you. Who gets the light? Are you going to let your light, power, consciousness, self-love, self-forgiveness, and your creativity be siphoned off onto this projection? Or are you going to understand that it’s a projection and find that place of harmonic neutrality that you can accept what it is? You don’t need to project your energy onto it anymore. You can be in your power, and you can hold your power while this other thing exists. If you can get there and maintain it, the illusion fades, and the conflict dissolves because it has no fuel to keep it alive. We are the ones that imbue everything with our life force energy. 

If you get sick, the goal is to harmonize with what is happening and know that there is a gift available for you in it. By no means do I say this lightly. This is truly the guidance I’ve received through the Akashic Records for the collective. Know that there is a gift, a shadow aspect of you in these circumstances and an invitation to look at it and to soften around it and to stop giving your power to it. Maybe it’s fear of death, long-term health damage, loss of income, or a fear of being ostracized—there are many different scenarios that are playing out because there are countless unknown variables for everyone. 

However, the ultimate message is that this is happening whether we want it to or not, just like childbirth. The baby will end up outside of your body one way or the other regardless of you understanding what is happening and regardless if you participate with it. When you can participate with it, although it is nonetheless intense, it is the most empowering medicine journey imaginable. That’s what is happening here. You can make the most of everything, even if it feels like we are getting hammered with triggers on so many levels—personally and collectively. All of it is presenting you with a further opportunity to awaken within the dream and to remember that you are the dreamer. As you awaken, things start responding to you quickly as you change your energy, the external world follows, and it changes to match you. 

The ascension is inevitable because it’s bigger than the controllers and they are ascending as well, but they will fight tooth and nail until the very last moment. In a sense, they have gone deeper into the dream and the illusion then we have. They have identified with their dreaming character, their avatar, more deeply than we have. It’s going to be harder for them to harmonize with this, but they are still of the great dreaming mind that we are. All the narratives are a distraction. They are symbolic scenarios through which we are playing out the awakening. 


To conclude this transmission, I have no desire to impose my beliefs on anyone at all. If this resonates with you, wonderful. If it doesn’t resonate with you, you are under no obligation to take this on and substitute my truth for yours. It’s important that we all stay in our own truth. As such I’m not available for negative debate. However, I’m always here to listen to anyone’s perspectives because I find people truly fascinating. 

I hope if nothing else I’ve imparted to you the peace of knowing the ascension is inevitable and no matter how this plays out it’s already done. You are the bringers of the light and with that comes the gifts in the shadows that are showing all of us the way to awaken in the dream, to our divine power and the wholeness of who we really are.